Obituaries

Jimmie Kearney
B: 1937-09-19
D: 2017-10-22
View Details
Kearney, Jimmie
Oscar Davis
B: 1924-08-13
D: 2017-10-20
View Details
Davis, Oscar
Linda McGhee
B: 1948-06-01
D: 2017-10-16
View Details
McGhee, Linda
Charlotte House
B: 1945-12-05
D: 2017-10-16
View Details
House, Charlotte
Vernon Frasier
B: 1930-04-28
D: 2017-10-08
View Details
Frasier, Vernon
Robert Sprouse
B: 1949-04-22
D: 2017-10-07
View Details
Sprouse, Robert
Chester Smith
B: 1943-11-03
D: 2017-10-02
View Details
Smith, Chester
Leonard Strickland
B: 1962-11-27
D: 2017-09-23
View Details
Strickland, Leonard
William Griffin
B: 1940-06-15
D: 2017-09-18
View Details
Griffin, William
Louise Jeffreys
B: 1924-12-24
D: 2017-09-16
View Details
Jeffreys, Louise
James Blackley
B: 1930-12-18
D: 2017-09-15
View Details
Blackley, James
Hans Weinberger
B: 1928-09-27
D: 2017-09-15
View Details
Weinberger, Hans
Samuel Gourley
B: 1956-12-15
D: 2017-09-14
View Details
Gourley, Samuel
Jenny Haney
B: 1954-02-23
D: 2017-09-06
View Details
Haney, Jenny
Christopher Kern
B: 1960-03-03
D: 2017-09-02
View Details
Kern, Christopher
Douglas Wood
B: 1946-07-23
D: 2017-08-31
View Details
Wood, Douglas
Darrell Wyrick
B: 1941-03-02
D: 2017-08-26
View Details
Wyrick, Darrell
Steven Claiborne
B: 1989-12-19
D: 2017-08-22
View Details
Claiborne, Steven
Marlene Tarter
B: 1935-07-12
D: 2017-08-12
View Details
Tarter, Marlene
Bobby Tharrington
B: 1949-02-13
D: 2017-08-10
View Details
Tharrington, Bobby
George Leonard
B: 1956-12-09
D: 2017-08-09
View Details
Leonard, George

Search

Use the form above to find your loved one. You can search using the name of your loved one, or any family name for current or past services entrusted to our firm.

Click here to view all obituaries
Search Obituaries
804 North Bickett Blvd.
Louisburg , NC 27549
Phone: (919) 496-3161
Fax: (919) 496-0237

Immediate Need

If you have immediate need of our services, we're available for you 24 hours a day.

Pre-Arrangement

A gift to your family, sparing them hard decisions at an emotional time.

Order Flowers

Offer a gift of comfort and beauty to a family suffering from loss.

Obituaries & Tributes

It is not always possible to pay respects in person, so we hope that this small token will help.

When Grief is Unacknowledged

In Disenfranchised Grief: New Directions, Challenges, and Strategies for Practice, Kenneth Doka offered a very simple definition of disenfranchised grief as an experience when "survivors are not accorded a right to grieve". Can others really deny us our right to feel sorrow and pain? Can they set limits on our bereavement? The answer is, at least in some cases, yes. It happens all the time.

In Disenfranchised Grief Revisited: Discounting Hope and Love, Dr. Thomas Attig claimed this right entitles a bereaved person to grieve when he or she needs or chooses to, and in the manner in which they choose. In response, others are obligated to honor the right and refrain from interfering in the experiences and efforts of grieving. 

It's more than "a matter of indifference to the experiences and efforts of the bereaved. It is more actively negative and destructive as it involves denial of entitlement, interference, and even imposition of sanction. Disenfranchising messages actively discount, dismiss, disapprove, discourage, invalidate, and delegitimize the experiences and efforts of grieving. In this way, the people around the bereaved withhold permission, disallowing, constraining, hindering, and even prohibiting the survivor's mourning.”

When Can Disenfranchised Grief Occur?

Author Jonathan Vatner shares examples of situations where disenfranchised grief can result:

  • Your ex-husband passes away, for example, and your friends don't see why it matters.
  • An executive is having a serious affair with her married co-worker. When he dies unexpectedly, the expression of her grief is limited by the covert nature of the relationship.
  • A spouse, brother, or son is missing in military action.
  • When death has occurred due to socially unacceptable causes such as AIDS or suicide.
  • A beloved dog, cat or other pet has died.

What Does Disenfranchised Grief Sound Like?

When you are mourning an unrecognized or undervalued loss, you may hear statements like this:

  • When things like this happen, all you can do is give it time and wait it out.
  • Eventually, you’ll get over this.
  • The best thing is to try to put what happened behind you and get back to normal as soon as possible. Try to go on as if nothing has changed.
  • There’s no point in looking for meaning in something like this. Suffering brings us face to face with absurdity. The best thing is to try to forget.
  • Face reality. She is dead. You will have to fill her place with something else.

Sometimes those dealing with grief disenfranchise their own grief with inner talk that sounds like this:

  • Somehow it feels disloyal to laugh or try to be happy. I sometimes feel that I owe it to him to live in sorrow.
  • What can I possibly have to look forward to?
  • I’m kind of embarrassed to admit that in some ways I seem to have grown from the death of my child.
  • How can I ever let myself love again if it all comes to this?

Suffer in Silence No More

The stress of grieving in isolation can be unbearable. If we listen to Dr. Lani Leary, even if you endure the ups-and-downs of bereavement on your own, the grief work you do will still be compromised. She tells us that it is not time that heals. Instead, healing comes with validation: "All grief needs to be blessed. In order to be blessed, it must be heard. Someone must be present, someone who is willing to hold it by listening without judgment or comparison."

In the article mentioned above "Mourning Becomes Neglected: 4 Healthy Ways to Grieve", author Jonathan Vatner shares these four ways you can reclaim your right to grieve and get much-needed support:

  1. Recognize that there is nothing wrong with you. Whatever your feelings are, they're legitimate.
  2. Find people who will understand. Search online—there are bereavement support groups for just about any type of loss.
  3. Be honest about how you feel. If a well-meaning friend cracks a joke about your deceased ex-husband, explain that this loss is painful for you.
  4. Develop a ritual or ceremony to commemorate the person's passing. Visit the grave after the funeral or hold a private one when you can take as much time as you need to express your anguish.

Speak Up and Speak Out

In the book Invisible Monsters, author Chuck Palahniuk wrote, “Most times, it's just a lot easier not to let the world know what's wrong.” Whatever you do, if you feel those around you are not supportive of your bereavement, do not follow his words. Let others know how you feel and what you're thinking. In doing so, you're educating them on the essential truth of bereavement: all losses are worthy of recognition and acknowledgement. And, all those in mourning have the right to grieve.

Online Sources:
Doka, Kenneith, Disenfranchised Grief: New Directions, Challenges, and Strategies for Practice
Attig, Thomas, Ph.D, "Disenfranchised Grief Revisited: Discounting Hope and Love"

Vatner, Jonathan, "Mourning Becomes Neglected: 4 Healthy Ways to Grieve"
Leary, Lani, Ph.D., "No One Has to Grieve Alone: Validation is the Key to Resolving Grief", 2012.
Palahniuk, Chuck, Invisible Monsters